My Secret Life

I have several actually, these double-, triple-lives where some people know me as one thing and others know me as something completely different -- none of which are who I really am though, so I get no fun out of it (though someone else might, should they stumble across me in the middle of one of these other lives -- as happened today while out computer shopping with my mother; a startling reminder that I had left this life on the stove).

At times I'd rather just integrate all these lives and be done with it -- if only it could happen that fast... nah, it'll take years for me to figure out how to get them to work happily together. Each are all so very demanding; like needy children. Meanwhile, I occasionally... vanish, from one sphere or another.

This internet life has been the longest running of my current 'lives'; providing a wide range of intellectual experiences in an energy efficient manner (mmm... brain-food *drools*) -- and indeed it is mostly likely to be fully integrated since it's led to Conventions that have sustained and refreshed an otherwise drab and inactive existence.

The side effects of Cons though, are proving difficult to recover from -- the public high and subsequent crash in obscurity... the hardness of which this last time drove me off and away from any semblance of the net and back to an old 'grounding' hobby reclaimed from younger years of doubt... oddly enough I only found new doubts.

And so now, as I cautiously clamber from my hole, weighed down with debt issues beyond my ken, and wondering where I can find creative juices to fuel the ride to the end of the story -- I can't help but contemplate the idea of bolting.

Ah, but no... that would defeat the purpose. And really, I'm meant to do/be this here/now.

To live just above poverty, work in relative obscurity, and offer grueling entertainment to those what "like to watch" ^_~

~Liriel